Download Your Destiny?
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: Tag to Endgame. Tim and Gibbs have a talk about what happened during the episode...and what might be wrong. Oneshot.


**A/N:** This is a tag to _Endgame_. Thus, there are spoilers for that episode in season 7. It's centered on Tim...of course. It's me.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of NCIS, nor am I making money on it. I just love it to pieces.

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**Download Your Destiny?**  
by Enthusiastic Fish

Tim sat staring at the screen long after Amanda's image had disappeared from it. She had seemed so nice, so genuine. ...and he'd been totally taken in by her. Completely and utterly. Just like the crazy girl who had stolen his credit card, like...like _Tony_ pretending to be someone else. Like every single girl he'd ever really liked. Even like Abby. Abby had at least been nice and not crazy about it, but he had completely misread the situation. Again. Every time. This time, his bad judgment almost killed him.

"Agent McGee, you can go."

"Yes, sir." He got up and left the office.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"I'm going to join a monastery."

Tim's voice was low, but Gibbs noticed it as he walked through the bullpen. He was gratified to see that Tim pulled it together and went on working, but he noticed that, even if Tim wasn't grief-stricken, he still was a bit shocked and probably a whole lot depressed by yet another relationship going south very fast.

There was no other outward sign that Tim was having any trouble. He just wanted to make sure he finished the job...but Gibbs kept watching him, sure that there would be something more. Tony and Ziva both seemed to notice that there was something wrong as well. Tony's teasing was much more gentle, almost absent, and Ziva kept watching...but Tim never said anything about it.

It was late in the evening. Vance was with his family, deciding that was more important than soothing any ruffled feathers up the food chain. Gibbs had done all he could but was ready to go home. As he headed back down to the bullpen, he saw Tim sitting at his desk in the semidarkness. He became aware of a soft voice...but it wasn't Tim's voice.

"_Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be pre-determined. The path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but it can be challenged."_

Then, Tim's voice came in over the other speaker. "'Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.'"

"McGee?"

Tim jumped and looked up. Gibbs was almost relieved to see him look a bit embarrassed.

"Talking to someone?"

He shook his head. "Just listening. Tony thought it was funny that I bought them. Probably is. They don't seem to be helping much."

"What are they supposed to help you do, exactly?"

Tim shrugged. "I guess they're supposed to be helping me improve myself. It's called _Download Your Destiny_...not that there's actually anything to download because...they don't actually offer MP3s or anything like that. It's all on CD and..." He sighed. "It didn't seem right. I knew it didn't seem right."

"What didn't?"

"Amanda. Juliet...whatever her name was. It felt wrong and I knew it. I feel like an idiot."

"Why? Because a professional killer fooled you?"

"Because I let my guard down. It was too fast. I knew it was too fast. No girl _ever_ comes on to me that fast. She seemed so nice, but like usual, I was wrong. She didn't really care. She was going to kill me. Do I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "Wackos Welcome" or something like that, Boss?" Tim asked, voice tight with frustration. "Is there something about me that automatically says I can be taken advantage of? What about me screams, 'Please, crazed killers, come over to my place!'? I mean...even _Tony_ was able to fool me for a little while online, pretending to be a girl. Tony! Of all people!" He reached out and ejected the CD, putting it back in the case. "These things are a waste of money. Just like the last ones I bought, just like the ones before that. Can't fix something that's..."

"Not broken?" Gibbs finished.

"If I'm not broken, then the quality is very low, Boss."

"Or you're trying to make yourself into someone you're not."

He laughed. "Now, _you _sound like this program."

"If so, then at least it's not totally full of crap."

"This whole thing with Amanda...Juliet. It's been a while since I thought it might be a good idea to try again. The last one was the crazy woman who decided to run up my credit cards. ...and then, of course, there's always...Abby." He looked up, as if suddenly realizing who it was he was talking to, and he flushed. "Anyway...I shouldn't have even bothered." He smiled falsely. "I should know better by now. ...but the message is loud and clear. I've got it. No mistaking what the universe is telling me."

"And what's that?"

"That I really should join a monastery," Tim said and clenched his jaw just a bit before taking a deep breath. "Either that or I should just put myself out of my misery."

_Thwack!_

"Don't even joke about that, Tim. Not after what happened today." Gibbs felt his own heart rate increase as he realized anew just how close Tim had come to being killed, and for some reason, it was easy to put Tim in place of Kai right at that moment.

Tim nodded and stared out the window for a few seconds. "'Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.' Heidegger. ...who do you think Amanda was when she died?"

"Probably no one you knew."

"Probably not. I liked her, Boss."

"I know."

"I mean...I _really_ liked her. It had only been a couple of days, but she was...she seemed so nice. She was...she _seemed_ like a good person, like the kind of person I could see myself settling down with. And it was all a lie." Another false laugh. "The nothing that never was."

"You're being a little melodramatic, don't you think?"

"Not when it pretty much sums up my personal life." Tim stood up, gathering his things and started to walk toward the elevator.

Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"I can tell you how many times I've read a social situation right when it came to women, Boss. Zero. I've _never_ done it. I'm always reading the situation wrong. I even did with Abby...or maybe _especially_ with Abby. At least she wasn't trying kill me or stalk me or max out my credit cards. Still...even Abby...it was all wrong. And do you know what, Boss? It really sucks. ...and that's not a joke."

Gibbs actually wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't been ready for Tim to confide in him. Still less was he ready to deal with the fact that Tim was so down on himself. He also was about the last person in the world who should give out advice on having a good social life.

"You don't need these things, Tim," Gibbs said, picking up the case of CDs. "They're not going to help."

"I know. They never have in the past. I don't know why I keep buying them."

"Why _do_ you?"

"Trying fix what's wrong...because there _must_ be something wrong."

"Why?"

"Because right now my most meaningful relationship outside of work is with my dog...and the last person I tried to get to know ended up being a South African freelance assassin."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Tim."

"Then, why does this happen to me? Why do things like this _keep_ happening?"

"I don't know, but you don't have to assume that you're doing anything wrong. You did everything right this time. You figured out that there was something off about Amanda. That's good work. She's a professional, but you saw through her skill..._and_ through your own infatuation. You've got a clear head. ...except when it comes to yourself."

"I just want to do things right, Boss."

"Relax a little and stop worrying about it so much, then."

"That's what I tell myself...until the next lunatic comes along."

"McGee, I mean it. You can't assume that everything's going to turn out badly."

"It already does."

"Look, you had a nasty shock today. You'll be talking with the shrink tomorrow, but if you have any trouble, call me. Don't listen to these things. It's a waste of time."

"And money."

"Ya think, McGee?"

Tim laughed and started walking again. Gibbs walked with him. They got on the elevator and rode down together. Then, as they began to go their separate ways, Tim stopped.

"Boss?"

"Yeah?"

"Who do you think I'll be when I die?"

"I don't know." Gibbs clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Whoever you are, you'll be a man worth knowing."

Tim smiled a little. "Thanks, Boss."

FINIS!


End file.
